


Ride and/or Die

by pencilguin



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: M/M, No actual dying, Shroom-high Paul, theme park
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 08:53:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16783717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pencilguin/pseuds/pencilguin
Summary: Somewhere between the events of episodes 1x05 and 1x08, the Discovery crew is allowed a little time off on some vacation planet.





	Ride and/or Die

**Author's Note:**

> Previously posted on Tumblr. Unbeta'd; I apologize for any mistakes that might still be in there.  
> Also, I blame nerdqueenenterprise for this. (Thanks for the idea!) 
> 
> Content warning: vomiting.

“Sir, are you sure this is a good idea?” Hugh asked nervously.

“It took a lot of convincing from several people, including our very own CMO, to get Captain Lorca to agree with this, Doctor,” Saru said calmly. “All of us are on edge all the time. You all deserve some vacation time planet-side to unwind, and I’m sure that Lieutenant Stamets’ … condition would benefit from it, too.”

“Sir, I …” Hugh chose his words very carefully. “I’m not sure if it’s safe for him, in his current state, to be outside of a … more or less controlled environment.”

Saru smiled a little.

“I’m sure you are the one who is best suited to look after him, then, Doctor Culber.”

***

Hugh already had a bad feeling about the whole endeavor before the door to their shared quarters even slid open in front of him. To his surprise it opened to reveal Paul already in a casual outfit and buttoning up his shirt.

“Wow, you’re fast.”

Paul looked over and his face lit up as he noticed him.

“Hey, Hugh! Did you hear the news? We get the day off and get to go on a mini-vacation!”

He stopped halfway up his shirt to scurry over and greet Hugh as he usually did these days: tackling him with a kiss and hug that caused him to stumble backwards and basically crash into the door that had just closed quietly behind him. As usual, Hugh was grateful it didn’t happen in public.

“Yes, I heard,” he said after Paul had pulled back, while trying to manage a calm smile. “Saru just confirmed it to me. Apparently the two of us can go together. I’ll feel better if I’m there to take care of you if necessary.”

Paul beamed at him.

“And you always take care of me so well, my dear doctor!”

Hugh wondered if he had registered what Hugh was talking about.

“Just … try to take it slow, okay, boo? We still don’t know the full extent of the spore drive’s side effects.”

“I told you, honey, I’m fine. Come on, get ready so we can go! I took the liberty of picking your outfit already.”

Hugh rolled his eyes in mock offense.

“You really have no faith in me, huh?”

“Not since I saw what you wore on our first date, no,” Paul said, laughing, and finished buttoning up his shirt before he walked over to pick up his favorite gray cardigan. “I looked up the tourist attractions they offer, by the way, and they’ve got this theme park that sounds really cool.”

Hugh froze for a moment. A theme park actually didn’t sound like a very good idea. Lots of people, lots of opportunities for them to get separated or for Paul to get lost. Lots of potential health hazards. Generally just lots of unpredictable factors.

And maybe Hugh also just really didn’t like theme parks.

“If that’s what you want …”

“Oh, yes!” Paul said immediately. “Absolutely! I would love to! Hugh, please, can we go to the theme park?”

Naturally, Hugh didn’t stand a chance against those dark blue puppy eyes.

***

A couple of hours later they were wandering around the planet’s famous theme park, holding hands, Paul with a slight skip in his steps and cheerfully stuffing himself with an extra large portion of mint-flavored cotton candy. (Hugh had settled for a small strawberry one.) He was still in high spirits, enthusiasm unbroken, while Hugh was already feeling mildly sick. Paul had not only demanded to stop at every single booth that offered sweet foods, and eaten slightly alarming amounts of chocolate-coated fruits, salty popcorn, sweet popcorn, chocolate popcorn, roasted almonds, roasted chestnuts, doughnuts, and all kinds of other things that, in this combination, would have sent most healthy, grown humans into some kind of sugar-induced coma. He also had dragged Hugh into every single ride they had passed, regardless of how much he protested some of them. At least the warm and sunny weather had mostly dried their hair and clothes after the white-water ride by now.

“Look,” Hugh said when he noticed one of the signs along the way. “The exit’s not far from here. What do you say, love—we make our way back, have a nice dinner somewhere, and then return to the ship?”

He quickly realized that Paul hadn’t paid much attention when he saw his eyes go big with excitement and him grabbing Hugh’s arm and pointing at something a little ahead of them.

“Ooh! Look, Hugh! That looks big!”

Hugh followed the direction he was pointing at. His eyes widened in horror.

A rollercoaster. Not just any rollercoaster, but an absolute monstrosity. Too big, too high, too long, too steep, just too much. Too much _everything_. But Paul was already dragging him along.

“I wanna go on that!” he said cheerfully.

Hugh could feel the color drain from his own face. He swallowed hard.

“That … that thing’s got loops.”

“I know! That’s so cool!”

“I—no—Paul, please, can we—can we not—”

“C’mon, honey, that’s gonna be fun!”

“Honestly, Paul— _fun_ is not the emotion I’m feeling here right now.”

“Why not?” Paul asked, turning around and looking at him with genuine confusion on his face. “What other emotions would you be having at a theme park?”

“Fear,” Hugh responded. “Pure, unfiltered, gay fear.”

Paul shook his head and continued on his way towards the end of the line waiting at the rollercoaster.

“That’s ridiculous. Rollercoasters are gay culture, Hugh.”

“No,” Hugh muttered, his voice hollow. “No, they’re really not. I’m pretty sure they were used as torture devices at some point.”

“Oh, come on! Why would you not like rollercoasters?”

“Because I don’t! And neither do you, if I remember correctly.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Paul, please, anything but this … Nothing with loops. Nothing that goes upside down.”

“Don’t be such a baby. Didn’t you get special spaceman training or something in Starfleet?”

Hugh snorted. “It’s not ‘spaceman training’. And you don’t move that fast _in_ space. And there’s no atmosphere or gravity. We no longer need extensive zero-g or atmosphere exit and reentry training like in the early days of space travel.”

“Now that sounds boring.”

***

He made one last attempt for freedom when they reached the ticket booth.

“Uh, excuse me, my—my partner here actually isn’t feeling well, and as his doctor I strongly advise against him going on this particular ride.”

The visibly bored Orion ticket booth operator just blinked at him a few times before they addressed Paul.

“Hey blondie! You think you’re good to go on the ride?”

“I’m feeling great!” Paul answered with enthusiasm.

The Orion turned back to Hugh.

“There, no problem. He says he’s fine. Now get your asses in the seats, I’ve got more customers waiting.”

Hugh tried his best not to cry while Paul pulled him to their ridiculously tiny and unsafe-looking cart.

***

Of course the entire ride was hell taking on physical form and Hugh died a thousand deaths while Paul made all sorts of delighted noises next to him that were entirely inappropriate for their situation. He was pretty sure that he passed out for several seconds in between the loops and felt like he was going to need at least two more full weeks of vacation to recover from this, not to mention the decades of his lifespan he had left on the ride that he was never going to get back.

When their feet were finally back on solid ground and Hugh was trying to get his shaking body and his heart rate back under control, Paul threw his arms up with joy.

“Whee! That was fun! Let’s do that again!”

Hugh’s tears hadn’t even dried yet. Nor had the sweat that was covering every inch of his body.

“Paul, you know I love you, but if you _ever_ make me go on that thing again, I am breaking up with you.”

“Oh, come on, Hugh, it can’t have been _that_ b-”

He froze for a second or two, then rushed over to the nearest trashcan, and enthusiastically threw up into it. Hugh watched him, first alarmed, then frowning as it dawned on him what was going on. He walked over and started rubbing Paul’s back. His face had taken on a pale green-ish hue and he was shaking all over, still clinging to the rim of the trashcan with white knuckles.

“I … I don’t know what happened …”

“To be honest, I’m surprised you didn’t throw up before the rollercoaster with all the stuff you’ve eaten today.”

“But … I thought I was fine … The ride was fun …”

Hugh sighed.

“I guess your spore-and-sugar-high brain might have forgotten that you hate rollercoasters,” he said, “but your body sure as hell has not.” He patted him on the back and offered his shoulder for support. “I think dinner is out of the question for now. Come on, honey, let’s get you back to the ship.”


End file.
